just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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