I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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