I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
