There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
