You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
