No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
