Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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