votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
