so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
