Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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