He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
