I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
