Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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