I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
