I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Randomize