he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
