You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
