A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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