I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
