I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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