I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
