Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
