she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
