Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
