last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize