i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
