That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
