apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
