All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
