Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
