Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize