Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
