the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
