Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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