easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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