You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
