Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
