At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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