in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
