how can u be prego again
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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