She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
