So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
