Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
