She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
