you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
