Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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