i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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