who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
