Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
