Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
