I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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