why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
