Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize