It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
