Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
