3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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