I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ok first of all what the fuck
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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