Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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