school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
