I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
