guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
