I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
