there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
