have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize