Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
