I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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