For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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