At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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