He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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