We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize